How to make sure your church is unlikely to grow!

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I just came across a helpful guide to preventing the growth of your church – or at least making it hard to draw in any new people. Here is the summary:

  1. Don’t have a website.
  2. If you have a website make sure it looks like a 1970s video game. Better still – don’t update it.
  3. On church answerphone messages do not put service times.
  4. Do not have a notice board by your church building.
  5. If you have a notice board make it unreadable from the road.
  6. Meet in a place different to where you normally meet without putting this on your website or church notice board.
  7. Do not have anyone greeting or welcoming at the church door before the service.
  8. In major holiday and tourism destinations, do not put information in camp grounds, motels, hotels, or tourist offices.
  9. Do not have a New Year celebration.
  10. Do not have an advertisement or presence in local newspapers or radio.
  11. A bonus to make visitors feel extra unwelcome in your club, do not explain unusual practices your church has.

You can read the whole thing here.